Rejected, But I’m Proud Of It!

Aaahh…

Glad to be back here from a long hibernation. So many things happened lately that it makes me want to tell you how I’ve suffered. This one just taught me how to accept rejection and be proud of having it. Want to know how is it goes? Okay, here we go…

“Am I Ready Yet?”

In early November 2019, those words came and haunted my head. It reminds me of my plans after graduation, gets a job. I know what I will become, yeah DevOps Engineer (You can read the reason here). But, did I prepare for it? What I’ve done so far? Is that enough to get a job? Am I ready yet?

Getting Prepared

After a while of pondering. Finally, I began to set myself by making some content for the portfolio, online profiling such as LinkedIn, and also make a CV. It took several days to finish it all until I was convinced and had the motivation to start applying for a job.

My purpose for doing all of this is not only for myself, but also to show that people can be anything as long as they want to try, and show that there is no need to wait to do something because you’ll be late if you keep waiting, just do it! I don’t care whether it will be accepted or not. I don’t know, I just believe in God’s plan that I would get the best-suited job for me. So, I just want to try to influence others to start tidying themselves up for their future.

Let’s Do This!

At the end of November 2019, I started by applying at 3 companies which are Kitabisa.com, Agate Studio, and Ralali.com. Why did I start with that company? In general, they provide uncomplicated qualifications and do not include the minimum years of experience that I have not at all. Specifically, I choose Kitabisa.com because of its very noble social goals. Agate Studio, because there was a very young and pampering work environment. Ralali.com, because they offer an internship program that is suitable for me who is still in the learning process. After that, just waiting to get a follow-up.

Then, at the end of December after a few weeks waiting. During the day while I take a nap, a very rare event occurs. Someone just called me. Then she introduced herself that she was from Ralali.com and called me to confirm that I had offered to intern there. With an ever-increasing heartbeat, I also said yes that it was me. But all of that becomes discouraging when it turns out that the provisions for internships begin for 6 months from January. Because at that time I was in school, with a heavy heart I let go off the opportunity.

After that call was closed, not long after it someone came back call me but with a different number! Did she change the phone number as the intels did? I don’t know. After I pick the phone up, again. I was speaking with someone from Agate Studio. She asked me for the clarity of why I’m not replying to her email, and I just like “Wait, what email? I didn’t even receive an email from you at all.”. Then she explained that she had sent an invitation email for an online test about 2 weeks ago, and the test turned out to be yesterday! Therefore, she asked me to send the application form again with a different email address. However, at that time the application form was not accessible “You must be joking with me, oh God”. But, not long after it, I got an email, and yeah this is from her and it was noted that the test would be taken in the next 2 weeks “Ah finally”. Then I answered the email with a little reference from googling about ‘How to reply a test invitation email’.

Waiting for 2 weeks is not a short time for me, just full of feeling anxious. What I worry about is if what will be asked during the test is about my knowledge where I was certainly not qualified yet. The time of the test came, 3 January 2020. And what I was afraid of truly happened, all of it about knowledge, some of it is essential and the rest of it is so advanced, for me. 5 of 6 questions answered some were not best-answered. Then I thank her for the experience and I just like…

“Well, it’s done for me. Too high”

Move On

After the online test incident, it made my self-confidence lost and I feel ashamed to start applying for a job again. It takes at least 2 weeks to revive my courage to the way it was before and the motivation that I bought from the beginning and then I started to apply for a job, again.

It Couldn’t be!

‘Admitted‘ is the right word for that moment. Believe that it has already happened, become a memory, and just doing a normal day. However, it seems God does not like to see a normal day. One day, I just received an email and you know what? IT’S FROM AGATE STUDIO! and you know what again? IT’S INTERVIEW INVITATION! So I just starring on it for a few minutes, read it over and over to ensure that this email is intended for me and is not sent wrong. Well yeah, the email kept me frozen for several hours and I can only say…

“It couldn’t be! I can’t take this. But, I can’t!”

The interview scheduled on Monday, 10 February 2020 and they offer interviews via skype or directly at their HQ in Bandung. Of course, the email requires a reply from me. After 2 days of considering, finally, I decided to come to their HQ to ask the question “Why it could be?” vengefully and a little desire to leave class and go on a vacation of course. It’s Bandung euy!

The Awaited Day

Finally, I was already in Bandung and the day awaited came. In the morning, I started writing some stuff and respond to questions during the interview later. Just like a soldier preparing their gun before the war. Also to ensure that my primary objective for coming all the way here was not forgotten, which was asking…

“Why it could be?”

In a rainy afternoon with a little wet when I get there, then I was asked by security to wait a while in the lobby (Of course, yes. You can’t be told to wait in the toilet, right?) and to get relieved from anxiety, I reread the letter I had written in the morning before and drink a pouch of strawberry milk that my friend gave to me before I left. Like a soldier loading a bullet and ready to pull the trigger. Finally, A woman called me to enter her room, which certainly wasn’t a surgery room because I’m not in the hospital, right?.

3 people were consisting of 2 men and a woman who was ready to interrogate. I mean, to interview. The first minute begins with a little bit of small talk and an awkward feeling where this is my first time. When it started, you know what? the first question they asked was “If you’re accepted, when are you ready to start working?”, and I just like “Wow hold up, too fast to ask that!”. In the first 30 minutes, the phrase “If you’re not accepted” is completely unspoken. They even advised me to work that month and do remote school activities, and I said “Wow hold up, again. not that easy, what about my several school exams?”, they answered “Well, You can go home for that”, then I said “It’s okay if the exam is only a few days, but this can be 1 month filled by exams. Well, I’m very okay with the remote. That’s what I want honestly, leaving the school quickly. But what about the schools? It’s not simple to get approval from them”, and then they answered…

“Okay, we‘ll mind on it”

I don’t feel that 1 hour of the interview has passed. This is too exciting, I feel like I’m talking with my friend rather than being interviewed. We tell stories and laugh together. Surprisingly, all of my letters are no use, because they ask something because of their interest, not because they have to ask it normatively. When I asked “Why it could be?”, they answered “We don’t really take the results of online tests. So, we are just interested in you and want to know what you seem like” and finally, my curiosity has been rid and my purpose to come here is done. Happily, I was welcomed to do office tour and yeah this is just like heaven, they almost have everything. They have a buffet dining room, a canteen, a dance room, a mini-gym, a library, a gaming room, and many more.

But it’s not just finished yet, there’s something that makes me a dilemma. My acceptance status is still unclear. They want me to be there as soon as possible while that can’t be done easily, even impossible. There’s a lot to do in my current school. Just solved the problem, it seems God has given me more problems.

Exhausted

That day was so tiring, mind and energy even it’s hard to breathe. At night, I decided to walk looking for a cafe to break a while waiting for the train arrival. Then I found a cafe that has a quite calm ambiance, they have a balcony that faces directly to the three-way junction and there is a table there, what a strategic place. I sat there with a warm cup of coffee latte, a laptop that I purposely turned on to make it look like I had work, the lights of the vehicles passing back and forth, and the melodious tone of guitar strings from a busker also added to the restful impression. After I tried to take some air, I randomly saw a quote that was painted on the wall and it said…

“Sometimes you just need a break. Alone. In a beautiful place. To figure everything out.”

After I mind on it, I set up my phone on airplane mode to keep me away from social media and close the laptop just to end up my busy world, I just need a break from living. Then I took a deep breath, gazed at the streets of the nightlife and told myself that…

“It’s okay if I'm rejected, at least that was my first interview where is my friend yet.”

“It’s okay if I’m rejected, at least that was marvelous and memorable interviews.”

“It’s okay if I’m rejected, at least my purpose to do all these things has been achieved.”

“It’s okay if I’m rejected, at least I‘ve gone so far.”

“It’s okay if I’m rejected, at least I’m here. Alone. In a beautiful place, Bandung.”

“Thank God, you’ve brought me here.”

And my tears were shed while doing that way.

Finally, A Normal Day

It feels great to go home and get on with life as usual. Some friends greeted me, even though I was only gone for 2 days. It was great being able to tell my great experiences to my friends. However, after 1 week it runs normally. I got an email that you can definitely guess from whom. And it said that I match the criteria they need, but because they need someone who works in March where I can be in June, so they can’t accept me. Although I already guess, the feeling of disappointment is still, but only felt a few moments, not days or weeks. Critically, I was accepted but it was not possible because I was in school. Do I blame the school? of course, I can’t. After knowing that, I immediately opened my laptop and looked for job vacancies, again. Without any doubt, hesitation, or shame.

Conclusion

I learned a lot from this short journey. One of them is to be proud of the rejections that I’ve received. How can that be? Do you remember my initial purpose when I started all these things? Well, if you forget it, please read the ‘Getting Prepared’ section again. Accepted, is not my main purpose. The most valuable thing for me is for approval. I prove that everyone can be anything they want as they try. In this case, I have the chance to become a DevOps Engineer rather than a Network Engineer. I also proved to act quickly and not to wait. In this case, I was looking for job vacancies by myself rather than waiting for information from the school. So that I am not just giving words and advising, but also I proved it. And I’m very glad that some of my friends have started to tidy themselves up, prepare for their future to be properly planned.

I also advise you that rejection is very natural, even in my belief it must occur in your manner of life. The rejection also applies in all aspects of life such as career or romance. It must be hard, but it will shape you (Ed Sheeran joined the group). After you go through periods of rejection, you can grow more grateful for what you have gotten, fought for, and it will be meaningful in your life. So that it will never cross on your mind to waste it.

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Husni B.

Husni B.

Bad at writing stuff

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